MORNING THOUGHTS ON THE “SUMMER OF LOVE”
MORNING THOUGHTS ON "SUMMER OF LOVE"
All this summer, I'll be focusing on love. Many reasons for this, including the realization that somehow, I connected to my own sense of being worthy of love very young. Mom had a lot to do with her…but somehow, even then, I knew my source of love was not her. It flowed THROUGH her, yes, but not FROM her. Maybe it was the varied spiritual texts she owned, which inspired me with the realization that all the positives she saw in Christianity, and the fellowship she dragged me to every Sunday, were also the same energies other cultures found in other rituals and perspectives.
This alarmed her--I had actually taken the "comparative religion" notion seriously, and concluded that whatever this was was EVERYWHERE if people had eyes to see.
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What if "all we need is love"? Well…then it would be critical to protect the processes and perspectives to generate and flow that emotion, yes? "Core Transformation" offers evidence that you can take ANY human behavior, no matter how negative, and if you work through it, at the core is the search for love and connection. IF THIS WAS TRUE, then the potential transformative power is stupendous, for individuals or the world at large.
But first…you'd need to be sure it is SAFE to love, and that you FEEL that safety.
Some of the things that result from a lack of love:
1) If you don't love yourself you will not be able to look deeply at your own damage. You will fear that if you look deeply enough, you'll find evil and corruption. (A frequent consequence of abuse and oppression)
2) If you don't love yourself, you'll feel the SOURCE of your love comes from someone else. The risk of "falling in love" with someone because they "make you feel good" is high. Then of course, fear of LOSING that love can not only create negative emotion but violence. Fear of losing love can lead to ANGER at the one you rely on if they don't give you exactly what you want.
3) If you don't love yourself, this is often the result of having been told negative things about yourself, and it can go so deep you literally don't know who you are any more. You'll find people creating ego shells composed of intellectualism, physical power, attractiveness or ability to give sexual pleasure, social class, money, and so forth. And at the core is the fear they are unlovable. This means that there is NO amount of external validation that can "get through."
4) People who can give massive love to their children, but not to themselves. The Warrior process identifies this: if you would fight harder for your child than for your own life, this is a symptom that your connection to your own survival has been damaged. The cure is self-love.
The Ninety-Day Love Diet, the giving Tananarive more love, passion, support, and affection than ever before DEMANDS that I connect with something deeper within me. I cannot do it from "my own supply"--I'll empty out. But if I can connect to something deeper than myself, I can find an unlimited supply of love. I become a "hose" rather than a "bucket".
In other words…to do this properly, EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T RETURN IT, I have to connect more deeply with the very thing EVERY HUMAN BEING really needs and desires.
What would the results be in terms of external, measurable things?
Well…there are two basic motivating forces: pleasure and pain. Love and fear. Most people motivate themselves with pain and fear, and that works…short term. This is the reason diets and exercise plans "don't work": people begin them out of fear and pain. And they'll push just enough to reduce that pain…and then coast. At which point the gravitational pull of whatever non-optimal emotions created the habit patterns in the first place will pull them back in…only this time, they'll be a little weaker, and have more trouble escaping the gravity the next time.
The other approach is to find the gravitational attraction of a new planet. Who do you WANT to be? What do you WANT to have? What loving reality are you willing to fight for? If you do this, then yes, you use pain to escape the gravity of your current planet, but once you have, you don't go into orbit, circling the dysfunction endlessly until you run out of energy, re-enter, crash and burn up…you are PULLED toward the new reality. And the closer you get, instead of motivation decreasing, it INCREASES, because the more of this new thing you do, the more clearly you see the new planet, and the closer to ITS gravity you get.
Very different. Love, then, is the ultimate motivation LONG TERM. Pain and fear work SHORT TERM. Long term, they will burn you out, no matter how strong and smart you are.
So…focusing on Tananarive's needs for 90 days demands that I have my own "love supply" on "unconscious competence". I HAVE to. Questions I've seen about this process can be answered thusly:
1) What if I'm not in a relationship? Then give YOURSELF that much love. Utterly "Love Bomb" yourself, and watch to be sure EVERY WORD that passes your lips passes the Three Gates. Constantly ask yourself what you'd need to do to balance the Three Centers: ESPECIALLY belly-brain and heart. These are the ones likely to be most damaged.
2) What if I'm angry with my partner? Perfect. Remember: this isn't about them, ultimately, its about YOU. If you give everything for 90 days, and they don't respond? You simply know you and they are on different life paths, and it may be time to go. You will have transformed yourself into someone who radiates LOVE, not anger and fear. And THAT manifestation of yourself, so long as your survival drive is engaged, can attract and hold another loving heart. (Engaging your survival drive connects you to your instincts, which help you spot predators. Being healthy in this arena helps you connect with healthy people)
3) What if my relationship is just "blah"? We're roommates but no longer really have passion? Perfect. You are about to transform it utterly.
4) What if my relationship is already great? Wonderful. My relationship with Tananarive is great. But we can and DESERVE to do better.
How, specifically, am I going to approach this? I suspect I'll use the Five Minute Miracle (at the top of every hour, perform sixty seconds of deep, slow, diaphragmatic breathing), Five times a day is the dead minimum: set your Smart Phone!
And every hour I will breathe focused on my heart. I'll imagine the energy in my belly brain flow up to my heart, and then to my head, and then down again. Down, down to the center of the earth, and from there to the sun. Then back to the center of the earth, shift a tiny fraction of a degree and come back UP into Tananarive. We are the same being, the same soul, the same energy in different bodies, with different polarities. My energy is hers, hers is mine. Sexuality is powerful in relation to the degree of polarity you can bind together and then dissolve, a fusionary energy.
Then remember that the meaning of life is joy and service: How can I serve her?
If I think of this a minimum of five times a day, preferably every hour, I am FLOODING myself with love, just in her service. And by taking the attention off myself and onto a trusted partner, whatever in my own being that was damaged by an absent father, an angry fearful mother, or an uncaring or bigoted society gets to heal without my conscious mind interfering.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. I only have hints. But my soul knows. I can see the breaks in the circle, but only my soul knows the entire 360 degrees of arc. But there are questions that are useful:
1) What would I have been, physically, if I'd had perfect love, support, and role models? If every day I had been lovingly guided to be the best I can be? I think the average person would perform at the level of current Olympians.
2) What would I have been, emotionally and in relationships, if I had had loving role models, a protective loving powerful father and loving centered passionate mother? I would have lived in a perfect balance of love and fear, and been a far better human being in so many ways. So many.
3) What would I have been, intellectually and career-wise, if I'd felt free and safe to express myself in these arenas? What would I have written if I hadn't been afraid of trashing my career and going broke? Or being attacked for my thoughts and opinions? To what new heights might I have risen?
I don't know. But I DO know that an early decision was to do my best in ALL THREE of these arenas. I figured that it wouldn't be possible to have health in all three and not be a healthy human being, and have met precious few exceptions (none than I can think of. The people who have all three are either blessed with privilege, or worked their #$$% off under powerful mentorship they searched heaven and Earth to find. **Hand Raised**)
So, to bring this all back, I'm doing a core dump of my thoughts on this process, and trying to find a way to disprove the notion that increasing the LOVE in my life will change EVERYTHING for the better. I'll eliminate another 80% of the dysfunctional emotion, have more love to connect with my daily goals and dreams, and feel safe to be more honest, open, and giving.
No down sides I can see.
Whew! Sorry for all of this. I really did need to get it out. More tomorrow. I have a LOT of work to do!
Namaste
Steve
