FIREDANCE: The “Love Diet”
FIREDANCE: The “Love Diet”
Looking at the 90-Day "Love Diet" notion, taking it seriously, and still feeling some nervousness. There are, always, potential downsides for actions. The trick it to be sure you believe there are greater "upsides."
So…what benefits do I see? And those benefits have to be totally separate from any direct response from Tananarive. This can't be "transactional." The notion is that there are three levels of relationships:
You are out for what you can get.
You will give if you are given to.
You give without keeping track.
Q: What if the partner doesn't respond?
A: Then you have learned something critical about them, and can probably plan your exit.
Q: What personal benefits will I gain?
A: Learning to open your heart fully, even in a limited context, has a cascade of positive benefits.
Q: Doesn't this make you vulnerable to predators?
A: This is a valid concern. The answer is to FIRST engage your survival drive. If you KNOW, 100%, that no matter how they react you will not just survive but THRIVE.
This last one is a biggie. Clearly, any nervousness I have is FEAR. Fear will relate to damage and loss. The most powerful are survival, sex/reproduction, and social group issues.
What am I afraid of losing? Whatever it is, this is evidence of my own damage, and my lack of responsibility for my emotions, actions, and results. To open my heart without compromise, I have to KNOW that I can trust MYSELF. My sense of self-possession needs to deepen beyond ego. This MIGHT damage my ego. That is possible. But it cannot harm my soul.
In fact…I could make a case that most world spiritual disciplines suggest that love is the answer. The prospect of opening my heart more fully is frightening to the very degree I don't believe I can trust my own judgement and perception.
One model of creativity is that the "artist" is the "child" self, who wishes to stay in flow state and play and dance. It is the ADULT self that manages finances, marketing, contracts and so forth. In that same sense…this is pure child self…but also pure "Elder" stuff--the awareness that love is the most important thing in all the world, and that those who live in that space are the most fortunate living beings.
So…to be in that "child" space, that "spiritual" space, I have to take attention OFF myself in every interaction, and put it on the Beloved. To do this, my survival drive, my "warrior" self, has to be active, alive, and at unconscious competence. 100% confident that I can handle whatever happens for 90 days. Learning to take attention OFF yourself and onto the object of focus is essential in ANY high-level activity.
So…if there are three major aspects of life: Body, Relationship (inner and outer) and Career (Hunting and Gathering) then I ask: IF I ROSE TO A NEW LEVEL IN RELATIONSHIPS, will it impact my body and career?
The principle of psychological tensegrity says "yes." When means that the greater the risk, the greater the potential reward. The ego that is afraid is NOT my truest self. And the level of excellence I crave will be the result not of ego but of true self, driven by energy and focused through craft.
Yes, I have to kill my ego to get to that level…and this strikes me as the most loving and gentle way to do such a thing. AND THAT IS THE WORSE CASE SCENARIO.
The implications of a "best case scenario" are massive: the best relationship of my life made even better. And for Tananarive? What if I give her more love, more passion, more consideration, more support than ever before? How might she blossom at a time when the world is about to awaken more fully to her presence?
Heck…what would happen if she decided to give all this energy BACK to me? What would happen to our marriage? Health? Career?
The implications are staggering, really. I already know: I’m going for it. And we'll talk about that this Saturday on FIREDANCE: THE NEXT LEVEL.
Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
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