Day Four of the 90-Day Self-Love Fest
“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
On Day 4 of the 90-Day Self-Love Fest.
If the first step to loving yourself would be similar to the steps necessary to create a safe space for a child--you have to be an adult. And an "adult" in this sense is someone who takes responsibility for their actions, emotions, and upkeep. ONLY an "adult" can create safety for a "child."
So…if we suggest that the first step is simply breathing for five minutes a day (minimum) distributed across at least five hours for sixty seconds a pop…and that this single activity gives you the leverage necessary to change your life…
WHY HAVEN'T YOU TRIED THE EXPERIMENT? Seriously, what stops you? If you say "I forget" the answer is: SET YOUR ALARM NOW. A count-down timer for 60 minutes. When it goes off, set it for another 60-180 minutes, then breathe deeply and smoothly for sixty seconds. Rinse and repeat.
If you cannot do this, I suggest to you that you've put your finger on what might well be stopping you from the joy you deserve. The answer will be found somewhere here:
You don't believe it will help, and won't perform five minutes of experiment to test your hypothesis. Aren't you worth the risk?
You tell yourself you'll remember…then get caught up in other things. Notice the pattern. WRITE IT DOWN
There is fear, discomfort. You are being asked to do something unusual, something that doesn't match your self image.
Here's the thing that is so unfortunate: you will spend more time READING THIS, and probably other essays written on this subject, than you will actually trying it. So another possibility arises:
You think that "knowing" something is the same as DOING it. Compare this to eating a sandwich. You can KNOW all about bread and its history, the life cycle of tuna, the history of mustard and mayonnaise. But no amount of "knowing" about tuna fish sandwiches compares to the first bite. "Knowing" doesn’t nourish your body. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
This single practice, just breathing, is so foundational. What would have to happen for you to spend a single hour on this. That's twelve days, two weeks, and probably enough time to really start feeling the results.
If you love your child, you care for your child. You take the time and energy to cuddle them, play with them, DISCIPLINE them. The same is true for your own heart. To love yourself you have to take steps that reduce your pain and show you the way to joy. So please….if you won't or cannot take five minutes a day to breathe, I'm going to ask a question and dare you to answer it:
WHAT LIES DO YOU USE TO STOP YOURSELF FROM DOING THIS? Write them in comments, or PM me with your answer. Because if you can't do this, you can no longer blame society or luck, or connections, or talent, or any of the other excuses you've used.
If you can't walk through this door, we'll try another tomorrow or next week. Maybe you can only write the answer in your personal diary--you aren't ready to share. We understand. But the Three Gates demands honesty as the road to being an awake, aware, adult human being. TELL THE TRUTH. If you can…you have a toe-hold on this important step.
I beg you…take it.
Namaste
Steve
