Day 4 of the "Summer of Love
“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”
― Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation
Day 4 of the "Summer of Love." I realized that all I need is to be more consistent. I already give Tananarive much love every day. But now I'm being more careful with every word. And that means that I have to handle ALL my own fear. So where have I not been fully adult? Not handled my own emotions? My finances?
Because if I look at the situation, that's all I see: my "needy, wounded, abandoned child" self isn't SURE that his "father" will protect him. Gee…considering that Dad wasn't there growing up. So Mom was the ultimate source of survival and love. Hell of a burden on her. Quite possibly warped me.
That question: who and what would I be if I'd been raised in a perfect family, in a perfect society? What damage was done, and what wounds do I carry? If I can heal those, I heal my entire family line, memetically.
And all I have to do is really SEE Tananarive for who she is, at her very best self, and ask what I need do and be to be a worthy mate?
The "Soulmate" process was about admitting what I really, REALLY wanted in life, and then turning myself into the man that woman would want. It was NEVER about attracting some particular woman, it was about finding out who I really yearned to be, and never admitted to myself. The notion was that mating is easy if you would really, GENUINELY be attracted to yourself. No bullshit about that. Everything I see in "Incel" and "Insing" culture comes from men and women hallucinating that they are more healed, healthy and complete than they really are. They are, in other words, trying to punch above their weight.
And there is only one core answer: either raise your game, or lower your standards.
This process is kicking that WAY up. Its not about "finding" a relationship, it is NURTURING it. So this is taking attention OFF myself, on the "dog" if you will of giving Tananarive 100% of myself (95% will work) so that my unconscious mind can heal the damage I've never been able to see, or admit, or do something about.
The evidence of success will be a better marriage, healthier body, and more abundant finances. All three. Just from focusing on being the best husband, partner, lover, co-parent I can possibly be. Bring it ALL. I can do this. I WILL do this.
Hell. I'm DOING it.
Namaste
Steve
