The Opposite of “Incel”
Last night, Jason actually marked the calendar. That makes yesterday the first day that he's managed all three basic pieces of the version of RPM I'm creating for him. Again, call it DAD'S FRACTAL. (This is NOT my system. I am learning it myself. Just renaming in-house for the fun of it. Fun is important!)
Raise his energy. ALWAYS produce a positive state before you begin.
Morning data dump. Put out on paper/on the screen EVERYTHING you can remember to do today. Check your calendar, and add anything you can think of.
Organize into Fractals: What, Why, How. The daily schedule is the "how." Be VERY sure you can FEEL THE EXCITEMENT you will feel when the tasks are completed. Every one of them connects to weekly, monthly, yearly goals, which all fit in with your ULTIMATE PURPOSE and core identity. The "who am I?" Today's clean room relates to discipline and focus he'll use to build his business, which makes money and provides service, which connects to his vision of himself as a world-class Life Coach, transforming the world and wallowing in reward.
Schedule it. WHEN will he perform these tasks?
End of day--check his journal. Did he do everything? Great! Celebrate! If he didn't, ask "why" and roll it over till tomorrow.
He has to take pride in what he's already accomplished, learn to prioritize ("Three To Thrive" means identifying the three most important things to do today. Or, the three most important things in each major arena this week.)
The beautiful thing here is that, while you are doing your Morning Ritual, it is EASY to go over the Three Centers (Belly, Heart, Head) and ask what the most important goals are, and then the most important actions needed today.
THIS TAKES SECONDS. Really. One great model is Tad James' "Time Line" where you literally visualize a line of light leading from your past to your future, seeing where you are on that process, and what TODAY'S building block will be. This turns work into joy.
I did this changing diapers. Nothing nastier, right? Well…I turned it into a happy thing. A soiled diaper means a happy, healthy baby! Every time I changed one it meant not only that my son or daughter was alive, but that I was fulfilling a sacred obligation as a father to provide food and shelter to my child. I could see THEIR future, and also my own, twined together, with theirs branching off mine when they are independent. If the meaning of life is joy and service, what greater service can you do your child than changing their diaper?
If you HAVE to do unpleasant or hard things, if you CAN'T avoid it…do it with joy and power! We've all seen dancing traffic cops, and singing yard men, and short-order cooks who LOVE what they do. Same amount of work…totally different attitude.
Chop Wood, carry water…WITH JOY AND POWER.
That's what he's learning to do. For YEARS he has resisted writing out his goals and then checking them at the end of the day…or week…or month. But I'm telling him daily: THIS is how you out-perform smarter people with greater privilege. This is how you leverage your mind and emotions and physical energy to get what you want in a world that was NOT designed for him. This is one way a Warrior can live to do the natural animal thing of hunting/gathering and nest building. This is what will allow him to attract and hold a woman of quality. A woman looking for an awake, aware, ADULT human being to partner with.
If he can connect EVERYTHING he does to survival, success, passion, love, and creativity and personal evolution….there will never be a boring day in his life. That's what I want for him.
We've gotten him to the point where he can actually look at this:
Raise his state
Dump out everything that needs to be done
See how it fits with his life plan. Create a daily plan to handle the top 20%
Execute
Evaluate and Celebrate
I have to get him to the point where he simply does this every day. Then, we can deepen the component aspects:
Raising and controlling his energy
Greater clarity on what must be done, and WHY, and how.
Greater clarity on his own identity and ultimate destiny.
Greater discipline and acquisition of superior tools and strategies for performance
Keeping better track of actions and results, short and long-term.
Have more FUN to celebrate your victories!
Again…I want him to be so good at this HE CAN COACH ME. He can ask me questions EVERY DAY to help me stay on track. And be able to coach an employee. Learn it well enough to teach it.
This is the best such program I know of. Combine this with Three Gates for becoming a strong, honest, kind, effective warrior. And the Three Centers to keep body, emotions, and mind in balance. This is the ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE of the "Incel" personality: taking responsibility for his emotions and actions. Understanding that he will attract what he IS. That he can use his hungers to define his desired life: he will understand the full implications of being "respected by the men he respects, and desired by the women he desires."
And if he can get this at "unconscious competence" it is all "chop wood carry water"--he just gets up, takes a deep breath, and gets into his day with a song. "Conscious competence" would be doing all of this in maybe five minutes a day.
"Conscious incompetence" is where he is now, but entering "conscious competence" territory. A hundred hours from now, he'll have it nailed: WE ARE DIAGRAMMING THE STRATEGIES OF "EXECUTIVE FUNCTION" USED BY THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. Whatever his "hardware" I'm giving him the best "software" in the world, and that will allow him to out-perform people with more "horsepower" if you don't mind a mixed metaphor.
The classic Incels, of course, are in "unconscious incompetence" in the Mating Game. They have to wake up, and realize they don't know what they don't know. And lost in fear, they project onto the world around them, blaming successful men for having "unfair advantage" and rejecting women for being…well, I won't repeat that language.
And remember: the "Incel" personality also exists in the arenas of fitness and finance. It plagues both men and women, but the immature will always believe "their side has it worse". Jason will need to step out of dualistic thought about this, not get caught in the games of race or gender: note that he can PLAY them, but it would be disaster to take them too seriously. He has to get the joke, and stay above the fray. And find young men and women of similar wisdom and temperament, who don't blame others for their lives, and are willing to work twice as hard to get half as far…but then also work 10X as SMART, so that their results are almost magical to people who are mired in their pain and fear.
To do this, he has to love himself as if he were his own most beloved child. See his ultimate purpose the way I saw his when I raised baby Jason over my head that first night, out in the yard in Florida, and did the ROOTS thing: "BEHOLD! THE ONLY THING GREATER THAN YOURSELF!"
Yeah. I'm out to create the 180-degree opposite of an "Incel."
And will die before I'll fail. Simple as that. That's MY clarity. And I won't stop with Jason until he has his. He's so close!
Namaste
Steve
