Origins of the Three Gates
I am using these daily posts to address questions from people about the Three Gates. This enables me to create a rough form of the eventual essay.
What are they? A standard of behavior and speech designed to align actions with deep values, creating an "awake, aware, adult human being" would be my answer. Before speaking or acting, ask "is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Useful?"
Is this the absolute traditional teaching? The truth is that you can find echoes of the Gates in multiple cultures and traditions. One, "Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?" is MAYBE seen more often than the others, but it feels to me too high a standard for normal human life. It strikes me as a standard for cloistered monks who have taken a vow of silence. Very little human behavior is actually "necessary" in an absolute sense. One could probably argue that no voluntary action is "necessary" except in a specific context or with a specific intent.
Do they always hold? They are always an aspiration. But survival trumps personal growth, such that any reasonable person would understand that any and all principles require flexibility when you meet the "real world." It would be unwise to think any differently. A starving baby justifies stealing milk: it would be more immoral to let the baby die. And a society that doesn't factor that into its justice system is probably a dying society. Certainly a heartless one.
Where did they originate? And here is a really interesting question. There are two choices that are easy to see. One is that someone, some mystic or philosopher, pulled them out of the ether. The other is that they simply were noticed over time: "hey! This seems to work better!" I support the second.
If it is true that they were simply noticed over time, then the strongest evidence would be if we can see them at the simplest level: individual lives. If true at the individual level AND the level of relationship and society, then we can suspect they are simply an emergent quality of consciousness and perhaps even animal behavior.
In fact…can we find them in animal behavior? I say yes.
Is it True? Reality is just there. If you don't know the difference between poison ivy and lettuce, you are going to have a pretty miserable salad. Is it edible? Is it safe? Is this drinkable? Just knowing what IS, and being able to distinguish it from "what is not" is the core of Truth. The entire discipline of philosophy asks this question, and the individual on a desert island, separate from society, had better not lie to themselves about their situation if they want to survive. I THINK its obvious how "honesty" is important in healthy human relationships as well: as a couple, as a family. And I submit that the larger the group, the more rules about this must be explicit and carefully discussed.
Is it Kind? Well, again the man on an island. It is true that all animals seek to move away from pain toward pleasure. Considering the diminishment of pain, or the reluctance to inflict it to be "kindness" is not a stretch. So physically, it makes sense. Emotionally, excoriating yourself for a mistake CAN be motivating…unless it is paralyzing. "Get up, you dumb sonofabitch!" has motivated countless fighters to get up after a knock-down. Was that unkind? Not if it saves your life it isn't. So ultimate intent has to be factored in. Between individuals, the "90-day Love Feast" is based on studies of long-lived relationships, and when I looked into it, to my chagrin the notion of putting your partner ABOVE you in importance was central to those with long, happy, passionate relationships. Kindness. Children? Babies who are not loved DIE. Kindness. And again, extending this to a multi-family tribal unit isn't a difficult exercise. I believe that "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" or some variation is the most consistent rule found across cultures and religions all over the world and through time. Kindness, then is agreed upon as an ideal, even if difficult in daily life. Animals can easily be observed being kind to each other: nurturing, exchanging affection, teaching, rescuing.
Is it Useful? I think we are constantly evaluating actions and behaviors for their ability to reduce pain and gain pleasure. But in the category of "Useful" comes the notion of "long term as opposed to short term." It might be more FUN to play in the surf on our imaginary island. But come nightfall you're gonna wish you'd built a shelter. Come winter, you will wish you'd chopped wood and smoked meat. "Useful" isn't always "pleasant" or "fun." Our castaway had better be able to distinguish between useful and useless actions and materials. Playing in the surf, recreation, is HELLA useful. We MUST take time off. Muscles and minds and hearts grow when we are resting, not when we stress them. But stress them we must, or our hindbrains don't get the signal to expend vital energy to grow. Asking what is useful for survival is obvious. Applying this to relationships exposes the entire arena of cultural confusion I address in the Incel book: what actions and attitudes are in alignment with both animal nature and human existence? The "Love Feast" takes an even closer look at this, a deeper look: what attitudes are "useful" for creating healthy, happy, passionate, long-term unions? What is useful and effective/efficient for the survival and maturation of children? For building a tribe? A diverse society? Do animals care about what is efficient and effective? Well…they'd better be. If they waste more energy than they can harvest from their environments…they starve. So leopards don't sprint all day long, they move slowly or rest…until they see the gazelle. THEN they expend that precious energy.
I don't know about you, but I can see how these things connect sufficiently all the way down to the animal level. If I look at the various tools I've gathered or evolved, one might connect them to the different arenas as so:
Is it True? Determine "truth" by connecting to the external world. Experiment. I like to find principles that work in all three basic arenas of human life: physical, emotional, mental. Things like "all animals move away from pain toward pleasure" works like gangbusters in all three, so I'm prepared to defend it. So the "Three Centers", the notion of balance, is a great ally in the search for truth.
Is it Kind? Starting with kindness for YOURSELF. Forgiving yourself. "We all do the best we can with the resources we have" helps us understand the past and present, and opens a door to the future. I believe that when we can really forgive ourselves, REALLY, we tend to be more loving and forgiving of others. And so long as we connect to our survival drives, it doesn't reduce our viability at all. It is possible that this works both ways: people who hold grudges the most have the least capacity to really love themselves. The Ancient Child and Heartbeat Meditation both help us here.
Is it Useful? I would hope this is obvious. An "adult" might well be defined by acceptance of responsibility for actions, emotions, and results. This offers the potential for building a "nest" within which children are safe. So adults MUST care about the results they get, not just how they feel. 1%, MAGIC, Lifewriting and other tools are all about becoming more efficient and effective.
So…Those are my thoughts this morning. All of this makes sense to me. I hope it is useful to you as well…and that you think these words also kind, and honest.
Namaste
Steve
