“Teach Me 1%, Sifu”
1%. Just 1% improvement every week will take you anywhere you want to go. And it is possible to progress more rapidly, aiming at 1% per day, but you have to be sure you are actually addressing all aspects of your life at the same time, or you will become imbalanced.
I’ve recently reconnected with an old friend. Very very smart, big heart, disaster of a body. The Hawaiian “Huna” position that our bodies are like “black bags” where we stuff our unprocessed emotions really applies here.
Much grief, pain, shame stuffed into that body, concealed with ego walls: there’s always an excuse for the negative behaviors. But recently, X has been shocked into a bit of awareness by a death close to home.
So they asked me “what kind of exercise can I do?”
And this is a sadness, because I’ve watched this cycle before. And the answer is always “the best exercise is the one you will do, continuously.”
The problem being that our behaviors are driven by our emotions and beliefs, especially the unconscious ones. And unless X changes the underlying beliefs, does the work, or has an epiphany…all that will happen is that they will try for a while, then get distracted or frustrated that they cannot undo fifty years of bad habits in fifty days, then fall into shame because they aren’t doing it, and stop. Again.
In all honestly, I can already see their death. To change, they would have to love and accept themselves on a deeper level than they are currently capable of. Could I help them? I have the tools, yes. And if they were my responsibility, I believe I could. But I have my own life, and family to deal with. What if X humbled themselves, emptied themselves out, and came to me saying “teach me, Sifu”?
Well…I’d start them with yoga and walking. But both would have to be supervised by experts: there is NO way I would have confidence X can get out of the trap they created for themselves. That body used to be a fortress, and now it is a prison. Or…a death trap.
Sigh. While working carefully on that body-mind connection, X will also have to deal with the emotions and beliefs that drove the behaviors that produced the results.
Emotions/Beliefs → Behaviors → Results.
I don’t think they are willing to really look at the emotions. There is real pain there: I know of some of it, and there has to be more. You’re talking about the practical equivalence of daily therapy, combined with a new social circle, combined with expert coaching and medical supervision.
I’ve watched this dance before. In all likelihood, X will die, and there isn’t anything I can do. If I even allow myself to care too much, I would be tempted to take energy needed here in my family, and with my students.
If X would come 49% of the way toward me…It might be possible to point out a path of growth and healing, and support them in a 1% weekly change. And it is a small human tragedy to watch this from enough distance that I cannot really help without distracting myself from critical work. There are billions of people in the world, and it is CRITICAL to remember that drowning swimmers will drag you down.
How would I know X is close enough to help?
They would have to do the 5MM breathing.
Create goals in all three arenas, using the MAGIC formula
Create an internal and external circle of mentors who could help increase clarity, self-love, and healing. This would require escaping the ego trap that currently “protects” X from full awareness of the degree they have strayed from a healthy path.
It would require “Saul on the road to Damascus” level interruption of current concepts. Their answer to “Who am I?” and “What is true?” are simply…flawed. Leading to disaster.
We all know people like this, and one blessing and curse of living long enough to see long cycles, is that you recognize patterns. You see them in yourself, and others. You know the lies you told yourself in the past, and the lies you’ve seen others tell themselves, and the costs.
Sigh. It is not my responsibility. But I care. And its never fun to watch people flailing in the water, especially if you are standing on the shore and have been screaming “this way!” for decades. While they swim in circles until exhausted…and drown.
It doesn’t take huge errors. It takes SMALL errors, multiplied over time. Compound interest.
And if you can see that, then know it doesn’t take HUGE positive changes. It takes small ones, multiplied over time. Compound interest.
But you have to admit that you are drowning. And find someone standing on dry land, preferably one who has taught others to swim. In a very real sense, all I’ve ever done is find such people and say “teach me, Sifu.”
It has made ALL the difference.
Namaste
Steve
