“Steve, why can’t I find a girlfriend…?”
Almost 35 years ago, a friend of mine named Otis was sitting sadly. I asked him what was wrong. "Why can't I find a girlfriend?" He asked.
"Well," I said, "what do you have to offer a woman?"
He thoughts for a moment and then said "well, I'm kind, I'm a good listener and a loyal friend."
He was right. He had one of the largest, most loving hearts I've ever known. And he damned near LIVED in the "friend zone", that place where one friend wants more intimacy than the other. Painful. We've all been there. He looked at me with real misery.
He was Involuntarily Celibate, with no idea how to get out of the maze. I thought for a moment, opened my mouth AND WHAT CAME OUT NEXT AMAZED ME.
And changed my life.
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What happens if you apply the Three Gates and the MAGIC Formula to sex?
Well…we applied it to relationships with the SOULMATE PROCESS, but realized that we need a more basic step, simply understanding how to approach the opposite sex. There are a LOT of guys unclear on this, how it works. Some are just starting out--teenagers or early 20's. Others have various levels of shyness or neurodivergence, and literally don't understand how the human pair bond operates. Others just come out of long-term relationships, and are just kinda rusty.
I've been in all three positions at various times in my life, so about the 1000th time I got asked to share EXACTLY how I went from clueless nerd to a man now celebrating his 25th anniversary, more in love than ever…THAT FIRST STEP HAS BEEN MISSING!
Part of it was lack of clarity on my part. And part, to be honest, was the knowledge that if I spoke the truth, I'd be attacked. That sexual hustlers and gender partisans on either side would HATE what I honestly and deeply consider the Truth about what we are as human beings, and how it relates to sexuality.
Make no mistake: there are men AND women who profit by your lack of understanding, and I'm tired of it. Tired enough to be willing to be a target. After all…I’m "out of the game." They have little leverage on me. But my son is just coming into his adulthood, and in creating the most honest, straight-forward, unashamed direct how-to on ETHICAL seduction, I'm laying down the last major pieces of the "adulthood" puzzle.
Six thousand years of Yogic psychology says that the ONLY thing more important than sexual connection, passion, reproductive success and pleasure is survival itself. That's it. Other than FEAR OF DEATH, the fear and depression that come from a lack of sexual/heartspace connection with another human being is probably the most driving human force. And frankly…the guys are confused about how that works.
So I wrote my book, with the adult title, deliberately chosen to cut through the b.s. and take someone like Jason from beginner to mastery IF HE WILL ACTUALLY DO THE WORK. "Incels" are INVOLUNTARY CELIBATES, and the toxic stew of such guys in the "Manosphere" is notorious.
But all you have to do is grasp that ANGER IS FEAR, and that their fear is the second most driving fear in human nature or society…and you can see why I wanted to create something HE will be able to look back on when he gets confused (if old Dad ain't there any more…sob!)
But really, REALLY, its another "message in a bottle" I'd send back to myself at the age of 15…or 20..or even 25. There were "shock points" at each of those times, hard, painful lessons that left scars…BUT I GOT THROUGH IT.
And so will he. And if you are on that same frightening path…SO WILL YOU.
It will take 100 days to get to clear water, I'd reckon. Ten days to read the book, one chapter per day. Then you will do certain things daily for three months. And I PROMISE that if you do both these things, you will NEVER see the Mating Game the same way again. You'll be on your way to healthy emotions, love, and passion, and SELF ACCEPTANCE on a level you may have never known.
No guilt, blame, or shame. But you will have to take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself. Response-ability. The ability to respond.
If you are willing to do that…the path I created for my son. For my younger self. For all the good men I've known who "got off the path" and can't seem to figure out what they did wrong….I've created what I call an "Incel Cure." You might wonder if this is possible. All I can say is that every damned squirrel in the forest finds a mate. It shouldn't be that hard for human beings.
But too often it is. And that's because we have instinct, like a squirrels, but we also have a tangle of values, beliefs, philosophies, politics and religious stuff, so much that this simple, healthy drive has been knotted up until we barely know what's what any more.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you how you can change this, for yourself, or someone you love.
Namaste
Steve
