I’ve Failed At EVERYTHING I Ever Dreamed Of!
Map or Model day! In all three arenas, unless you are that rare beast who spontaneously zen's their way through a happy, productive life, you need a specific map of how to accomplish your goals. If my son asks me what the limits of accomplishment might be, I'd say that if ANYONE has ever accomplished that goal starting from where he is, he can do it too. And what if there is no one? Well, if you can separate out the component elements, and model people who have accomplished THOSE, its worth a shot.
With me, there was no model for a black SF writer that I could find. Then I finally found one, and she was female. Didn't know about Chip Delany for quite a while, in fact until he left the field for academia. Couldn't model THAT directly…
But I could model successful black artists, and writers.
I could model SF writers, and writers in general
And between those, I could look for the things they had in common: research, daily writing, resistance to rejection, ability to tolerate injustice while working to subvert it, "thick face, black heart" in the sense that they could follow their hearts and wish to communicate while simultaneously keeping the mind tightly closed to nay-sayers.
These things suggested plans of action that lead, eventually, to the six-step LIFEWRITING program for writers:
Write a sentence a day
Finish 1-4 short stories a month
Polish and submit them.
Don't rewrite except to editorial request
Read 10X what you write
Repeat 100X
But I also saw I would need mentors, allies, and stupendous control of fear and frustration. And put together my plan, and worked it: ultimately once I created it it was just a matter of "do I keep my word to myself?" or not.
There would be other things: conceptual flexibility. If I was initially triggered by an urge to write for "Commander Cody, Sky Marshall of the Universe" and they no longer produce that show, does that invalidate my goal?
Nope. I just have to ask myself: what was true? What was true is that "Commander Cody" was a label, a symbol, of a specific kind of gonzo, fun, macho SF adventure that hypnotized a ten year old Steve. Those great flying scenes!
So it was reasonable to say that my goal was to FEEL the way I'd feel if I'd been able to write for that show.. There would be other shows. I could create my own. I didn't want the THING. I wanted the way I thought the THING would make me feel. Simply stepping back that one little bit of emotional distance made an entire world of possibilities. Any moment we experience is beyond repetition. You simply CANNOT repeat a specific experience. But then, if you have any flexibility of thought, you never really cared about that.
Modeling requires the same flexibility. I could always make my circumstances so unique that no one, ever, has accomplished anything "starting from my starting place" because no one has my fingerprints. It would instantly be seen that I was being absurd: you cannot bake the cake on the cover of a cookbook or a box of mix. But then, it would be slightly crazy to need to do that. You want something that fulfills the same needs, will trigger the same emotions you believe you or your family would have had had you tasted that Betty Crocker special.
Don't let "close enough" scare you. Don't pursue perfection with such a rigid definition that no one could achieve it. THAT is just fear of faith, fear that if you commit yourself you might be disappointed.
Harlan Ellison's saying that "success is to bring into existence, in adult terms, our childhood dreams" requires being an ADULT about looking at our hungers and goals. I get to honestly say that I accomplished every one of my childhood dreams. But if I demanded that I do it exactly when I thought, how I thought, with WHOM I thought, I could just as easily say I've accomplished NONE of them. Not one. NONE of them happened the way I expected. And in fact I had to look back and shake my head and say: "wait a minute!" to realize that in my writing, love life, and physical being all my dreams had come true.
It is sad to watch accomplished, outwardly successful people who cannot accept or rejoice in their own success, because it didn't exactly match the pictures in their heads. It is even worse to see average or unsuccessful people who have crippled themselves, are living a life of "settling" for the body they have, the relationship they have, the money they have, the artistic expression they have, for lack of rejoicing in what they have already accomplished (gratitude) thereby empowering their visualizations of future accomplishment, and the power behind their daily actions.
Since NONE of us know exactly what we can or cannot accomplish in some absolute state, it is reasonable to suggest that any belief we have about that is a guess. We're making it up. While it might be the best "truth" we can manage, it is never "fact." Every day, people accomplish things others called impossible. Its almost boringly predictable.
So…which mistake would YOU rather make? Assume you can do too much, or underestimate your potential? Personally, if at the moment of death I saw CLEARLY that I never had the capacity to reach a dream, I'd smile and think "well, I had a hell of a ride."
But if at that moment I saw that I could have done more, been more, helped more, enjoyed more, expressed more, and the fear and ego had stopped me?
I've seen people on their death beds, filled with fear about just this. Regret. Anger. They never went for it, and now it is too late. I have NOT seen people regretting that they tried.
Be definite about your goals, but flexible in the ways you might reach them, and sly about finding the right models and maps to get there. Hey…every damned movie you've ever seen, book you've ever read, is about someone who reached a goal by some means they had not anticipated, often realizing that what they wanted and what they needed were two different things, that the "wants" just got them going until they could become wise enough to understand their needs.
Use your goals to motivate you, learning along the way, constantly asking "who am I?" and "what is true?"
Find those modells. Build that map. Every day take another step, and constantly check your progress and what you are learning.
Chop Wood, Carry Water. Oh, and have fun along the way, would you please. That's the point you know. Joy and service.
Namaste
Steve
(firedance 1-20-23 is the video from last Friday's FIREDANCE show, where we go deeper about the M.A.G.I.C. that happens when you combine ancient wisdom and modern psychology and performance science. You are so welcome to join us at www.firedancetaichi(dot)com)
