Can We Violate the Three Gates?
Are there times to ignore the Three Gates?
Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Useful?
These are the Three Gates of speech and action suggested by many teachers and traditions worthy of respect. And in fact, those who do not respect them are broadcasting that they are willing to lie and be cruel to accomplish their aims, which are not checked for 'usefulness'. I can't think of a single negative behavior that passes the Gates…
But are there positive behaviors that DON'T pass them? I think so.
There are terrible contexts in life where the best possible actions are not "positive" in other contexts.
Is it True? War, Sun Tsu says, is the art of deception. Telling 'the truth" to someone who would use it to kill your people would be unfortunate in the extreme. In a war, one has to define "us" and "them" in ways that make it possible to do terrible things. At times, only what is "useful" would be relevant. The corruption of truth and kindness is one reason combat should be the LAST option, when all else has failed. The person who chooses this profession should aspire to being of extraordinary character, because the stresses involved are extreme.
Is it Kind? There can be differences between short and long-term kindness. If you have to perform battlefield surgery on someone to save their life, it can be extremely cruel…short term. Telling someone their beloved has cheated on them can save them years of pain..but will hurt like hell, and might well end your friendship. Forcing a child to do their homework, clean their room, do chores and so forth, or denying them pleasures they desire can be seen as "cruelty" but are you preparing them for the real world, when they have to leave the nest? OR are you just protecting your own ego-need to be liked, at their ultimate expense? If you have to defend yourself against an attacker, and hurt them…are you unkind?
This is no small question, and I've spoken of a man, a neighbor, who threatened me with violence multiple times. He knew I didn't want to fight him, partially because he was the father of my daughter's best friend. I didn't want to hurt that little girl's daddy!
It wasn't until I realized that HE was trying to hurt NICKI'S daddy that I found the emotional balance I needed. It would be unkind to NICKI to allow her father to be hurt. And my own child is my primary responsibility, I have no problem with that. Would hurting my neighbor be cruel to Nicki's friend? Perhaps. But, I reckoned, a smaller amount of cruelty to the world than letting myself be damaged by an emotionally troubled man. It would be wrong to reinforce his behavior with a success. So given that I had permission to protect myself (natural law) and that this would bring LESS cruelty into the world, I was then free to find the best possible solution.
Preferably, that solution would actually DECREASE my neighbor's tendency to use violence or its threat in the future. If I could do that, especially without hurting him, I would have seriously improved the situation. The best remedy would be to find an answer that protected my own body, Nicki's father, AND my neighbor.
And that is the answer I eventually found.
3. Is it useful? Well…everything everyone does is done to move away from pain (as they perceive it) toward pleasure (if they can believe there is a way to do so). So one might, for instance, take time off from work to catch a movie, or eat ice cream. Sheer fun. None of that 'well, there's milk and eggs, so it's food!" nonsense. You are having fun. And fun diminishes stress. So long as you have a minimum amount of "chop wood carry water" to keep you on the right path (at a minimum, fulfilling your adult responsibilities if you are enjoying adult pleasures) then how much you entertain yourself is kinda your business, isn't it?
So just playing, loafing, sleeping late…all of these might SEEM like "unuseful" activities, but they are actually critical to maintaining health.
Huh. That means that the "unuseful" is hard to justify, if you cannot find a way to connect it to something you need or want in life. But considering how little creativity it takes to make an honest connection, maybe we just have to say that this one is so flexible that even a minimum amount of thought will justify most activities or inactivities…
AS LONG AS IT IS IN BALANCE WITH YOUR ACTIVE, USEFUL BEHAVIORS.
Go ahead, have fun. Take days off. Have hobbies. All wonderful.
But keep your eyes on the balance.
Namaste
Steve
(we'll discuss this more on the FIREDANCE show Friday. Join us at www.stevenbarneslist.com)
