Are You Motivated (Primarily) By Pleasure Or Pain?
So my son Jason had an assignment to work on his business using an Instagram account. When I asked him about it last night, he said that Mom hadn't set up the account yet (we need to create a new one for him). We laughed about the fact that he was using a loophole to get out of work--Mom was at a screening.
And while funny in a way, it is also a sign that he was doing it to AVOID PAIN (my disapproval) rather than GAIN PLEASURE.
You always know when people are acting to avoid pain--they will do the minimum, and seek ways to avoid it altogether. "The boss isn't watching? Lemme loaf."
On the other hand, if you work to GAIN PLEASURE, then the more you do, the happier you are. People who do this don't need "discipline." Screw "discipline"--they have HUNGER.
No one has to discipline Jason to play video games. You don't have to discipline me to eat sushi. This is something people who work to avoid pain don't understand about a LOT of wealthy people: they have made earning money a GAME. They love the PROCESS. They often have to be pulled away from their jobs, because any pleasure can become an addiction.
Of course, some of them can simply be so neurotic about poverty (caused, perhaps, by memories of a deprived childhood) that THAT drives them. Fear of poverty. "I'm going to be a bag lady" and so forth.
You can tell the difference with the thought experiment "if you won the lottery tomorrow, would you still be working next year?" Working to avoid pain? HELL no. Working for pleasure? Quite possibly.
I suspect that someone who works for pleasure, btw, is more "attractive" energetically than someone who makes 25% more but works to avoid pain. So just learning to flip that one switch, to take pleasure in what you do to support yourself, AUTOMATICALLY improves your life in multiple ways.
What might Jason have done if the idea of doing this work had triggered pleasure without limiting pain?
He wouldn't have to be reminded to do it.
Wouldn't have to be DISCIPLINED to do it ("if you don't do your work, no internet and/or you're fired")
Would have looked at the lack of a new account as a CHALLENGE. Found another way to do it, created an alternative, asked me to help him brain-storm answers, etc.
There are others, but those come to me first. So while he is VASTLY more coachable now, he still doesn't have his hands on the emotional "levers" in his head. And here's the truth: someone with average intelligence with the emotional control I speak of will beat the pants off an unmotivated genius. Its tortoise and hare time: Said genius "hare" will wait until the pain is overwhelming before they act, while the "tortoise" plodder simply takes a step every day, and the MOTIVATED tortoise gets on a skateboard.
So this is something I'll watch carefully. That "switch", learning to simply DECIDE to find things to enjoy in any task he has to do, is critical to peak performance.
Hell, I learned to ENJOY changing diapers. A loaded diaper meant a healthy baby! I want a healthy baby. Therefore, I enjoyed changing diapers. It was just a mental trick, one that can be applied to ANY task that you "have to do" on a daily basis.
Look at your own life, and the lives of people around you. If they do things automatically, joyfully, without being forced, they are moving TOWARD PLEASURE.
If they have to be reminded, complain, seek excuses, or quit when they have done the minimum, they are moving AWAY FROM PAIN. This is the patter of the person who yo-yo diets, struggles with finances, or neglects relationships.
Once you have identified the things you HAVE TO DO to sustain body, heart and mind, the MINIMUM is to get to the "zero point"--to remove the resistance, get to the "Zero point". Do this by associating more pleasure than pain to the action, until the pain diminishes. But once you are at that "zero point" where the activity isn't weighted negatively, you need to associate yet MORE pleasure with it. Until you risk obsession.
This is the flip side of the "do nothing" danger zone: the point where you can do so much that you throw your life out of balance. From my own personal perspective, the answer is to BE OBSESSIVE ABOUT BEING BALANCED. That personal emotional health, family, physical health, and financial health are ALL equally important. Nothing can be neglected. NOTHING comes before those four things (actually, I see family as directly connected to my personal emotional health, so I only have THREE things to focus on. And yes, this evolves to social and spiritual concerns).
So…the next steps for Jason are to teach him to "flip that switch" and associate PLEASURE rather than PAIN with the actions that bring him long-term joy, so that his daily actions are automatic rather than pain or fear-based.
Get it down to "Unconscious competence" and "chop wood, carry water."
Where are YOU in the arenas of body, emotions, and mind? Do you have the rituals necessary for success? Are you motivated by pain or pleasure?
Control this, and you control your daily rituals. Control your daily rituals, and you control your life.
Namaste
Steve
