The First Casualty of War is…
"We breathe when we're wrong, we breathe when we're right, we breathe even as we slip off the ledge toward an early grave. It cannot be undone. So I breathe."
-Tahereh Mafi.
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We got to the beach house yesterday. Jason was very cooperative the whole time, happy and a joy to travel with. But he does have social anxiety, and one thing that happens is that he is very conscious of perceived challenge. He thought a man in another car was making rude gestures to us, and his anger flared. I sighed a little: Daddy has work to do.
Anger is fear, remember. I have to help him love himself more, so that the opinions of others mean less. And to have more genuine confidence in his capacity to defend himself, so that mere gestures are not interpreted as an invitation to the Dance.
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"The first casualty of war is the Truth" is a famous statement (I think the more ancient one is "the first casualty of war is innocence" which is, ironically, somewhat opposed to the first statement).
The question of "what is truth?" is as old as perceptions. I'd bet animals have some version of it. "Absolute" truth is probably beyond any language, but it IS possible to point in the right direction. "Relative truth" is much easier to establish. "Useful" applied to all three Centers is pretty reliable, but even Newtonian physics, usually quite reliable, gets wonky if you look too close.
Ultimately, we have to make decisions. Act with confidence. Even though we know we can't get to 100% certainty. If over time you consistently hit your targets in body, emotions, and career, moving away from pain toward joy and service…I'd say your path is true. YMMV, of course.
Other epistemological aides are questions like:
What if the whole world was like you? If, in other words, EVERYONE acted according to your beliefs. If that would be a better world…excellent.
What if NO ONE behaved according to your beliefs and values? Would that be a better world?
Would a world run according to your perspective be safer for children? That comes as close to a universal value as anything I can think of, socially.
Does it work on the individual level? The relationship level? The family level? The social level? The more solid it is at each of these, again, it is reasonable to trust them.
Can the people at the extremes of your pattern protect themselves from those at the OTHER end? After all, there is no sense in a pattern of action that weakens you and makes you vulnerable to snakes and monsters.
This last one is very important for warriors. As it has been said, "the first casualty of war is truth." Sun Tzu agrees that "deception is the very basis of war."
To the degree that "politics is war by other means" you'll understand why I consider politics, to be a necessary, risky, potentially corruptive activity. If Musashi said "Do not think dishonestly" I think the core, most basic application is: DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF. Do that, and you are lost, in all three Centers. Garbage IN, Garbage OUT.
This could be interpreted as: survival trumps truth. The first rule of life is to live. The first rule of survival is to survive. You CANNOT expect people under survival stress to find morality as easy to maintain as those living peaceful lives of plenty. It is simply unreasonable. When we FIND people under such stress, who manage to still be moral, we write books about them like Victor Frankel's MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING. It is extraordinary, and wonderful. We need to study THEIR software.
But warriors stand on the outskirts of the village, risking minds, hearts, and bodies to protect the children. To not understand how damned unhealthy this is, how necessary but extreme…is foolishness. Blindness. The thoughts of Sleepers who cannot deal with the harshness of reality.
For such men and women it is MORE important to have a code of honor, and ethics, that is larger than their own egos. They either have to evolve one, discover one, or adopt one from outside until it becomes Unconscious Competence. "Cry Havoc and loose the dogs of war" is such a powerful line because it suggests that in such contexts, humans become…something other than human, as we typically define it. Under that stress…we are compressed to the survival level: put the greatest philosopher's head in a bucket of water, and he'll forget everything except that next breath of air. Survival.
When the Huns come over the hill…expect fear and anger to drive away ordinary thought. Those who can maintain logic and perspective under those circumstances become leaders. Hopefully, those who can maintain MORALITY as well as logic and perspective under those circumstances become leaders OF the leaders.
If only, right?
But how many people are dead, or in jail, because "someone eyeballed me"? The animal threat level, the supposed "challenge" to power or ego, short-circuited the forebrain and now we have a fight or a killing or an argument.
To be capable of fighting is a natural, normal animal gift. To know WHY and WHEN to fight, is a more evolved animal…or awakened human. The warrior mentality.
To understand that the emotions that make it POSSIBLE to step into danger, to take another life, have their own pleasure attached, a sort of joy in dominating, survival and chaos…that's something else.
To do the necessary thing is to be an adult. The children are not safe. But to understand that the survival imperatives MUST be handled before it is reasonable to expect people to be loving, gentle, and philosophical…that implies that peace is unutterably precious. But also that we must beware.
Ever heard of "empty nest syndrome"? Mom or Dad, in order to be the best parents they can be, must place their families above themselves. They DEFINE THEMSELVES by these roles. But if they aren't careful…when the children move out, that leaves a hole in their hearts. "Who am I, if not a Mom? Who am I, if not a Dad?"
The same thing happens to people when they retire. They defined themselves by a role. The role is over. Ouch. Actors who go too deeply into "Method" can have the same issue: they played a role that made sense within the context of a play or film. It was supported by the entire crew, and perhaps the audience and other actors.
What happens when the show is over? If they don't have the flexibility and balance to return to "center"…it can be damaging.
ALL THE BASIC ARCHETYPES, all the basic roles of life have pleasure connected with them. And all can be addictive. The warrior without a war can consider POLITICS his new battleground. It is, after all, the same thing, merely expressed differently, right?
And the first casualty…you get it.
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I ask myself: if I have only a few gifts to give my son, that will last a lifetime, it would definitely be the most powerful, tested structures I can find. But also the ability to apply "fuzzy logic" to them, to see that they are ideals and guidelines, and that they must not be considered immutable "rules" but rather VERY useful "principles."
That NO principle or observation reified into a "rule" can exist without explanation, extrapolation, challenge and modification. But if true, they remain "true West": the direction to move in, even if the path is not always straight.
All you really, really have to do is ask what the opposite gets you. What "East" looks like. And if that appalls him…
Go West, Young Man. Go West.
Namaste
Steve
(Come to our September 23 screenwriting workshop, our only one in 2023! Tananarive and I can't wait to share with you!). www.hollywoodloophole.com
