It Was A Dark And Stormy Night…(then Harlan Called, and it got worse!)
This happened over thirty years ago. It was indeed storming at about 9pm at night when I got the call from one of my very favorite writers, Harlan Ellison. A role model of cool, success, and writing ability. One of my heroes.
And he called to tell me he’d read the first third of my first Solo novel, STREETLETHAL. And felt it wasn’t polished enough to publish. I was crushed. Worse, I was living alone in a house I’d once shared with my lady love. And it was, indeed, storming that night. I found the courage to tell him it was too late, that the book was already at the publishers. He wished me well, and hung up.
I was DEVASTATED. It felt as if my entire world was collapsing. I had GOOD feedback from my editor, the wonderful Beth Meacham, and Larry Niven, and Norman Spinrad. But…I just don’t think I was in a place to remember that. I just felt as if a mule had kicked my guts out. I was a failure, a fraud, and would never be able to fulfill my dreams.
It was a “dark night of the soul”, a moment when it felt as if all the ability in my soul wouldn’t be enough to fulfill my dreams. Which meant I’d be NOTHING. When meant, and I do not exaggerate, that I would die alone and miserable.
I cried my eyes out that night, and then went to bed. And…when I woke up, went through a series of exercises and actions to re-center myself so that I could regain my enthusiasm and face the day.
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Years later, almost ten years later, I was writing in Hollywood, and working for THE OUTER LIMITS. My first episode was called A STITCH IN TIME, about a woman who creates a time machine, and uses it to kill killers before they can kill. It won an Emmy (Amanda Plummer, best actress)and a Cable Ace award (best Screenplay) and cemented me in the industry.
But you want to know the REAL reward? The absolute BEST thing about picking myself up and continuing on?
Harlan called me. He’d just seen it. “Did you really write that, Steve?” he asked. A reasonable question: scripts are heavily rewritten by the show runners and story editors. But “A Stitch In Time” was mine. Not every word, but the vast majority. That was MY story. Those were MY characters, and that was MY dialogue, almost every word.
“Yeah,” I said, and held my breath.
“That,” he said, “was great. That writing pulled the plow, kid.”
After I hung up…I cried again. Tears of joy, because I KNEW he wouldn’t lie to me, not about that. He’d told me the truth when it was hard, and now I could trust him to tell me the truth when it was happy-making.
There are many thresholds in life. Some are thrust upon us, and others we create for ourselves. The way I got through that “Dark Night of the Soul” was:
Trust in myself. I believe that any goal I can keep in my heart continuously, over time, I can find a way to create.
Trust in my companions. I had teachers and idols. The great writers I studied. When they spoke of writing, they didn’t talk about “talent” they talked about WORK, and proper STUDY. I could work. I could study! And I had a wonderful, wonderful mentor: Larry Niven, who had taken me under his wing. I’d written two books with him, DREAM PARK and THE DESCENT OF ANANSI. And he had enjoyed STREETLETHAL. So…maybe I was ok? (Man, impostor syndrome is a BITCH)
Trust in a higher power. In this case, it was the belief that the universe isn’t fair or unfair, it just is. It is my job to create meaning. And the meaning I’d decided to create, since childhood, was “I’m a writer, dammit!” As said, I don’t believe we can hold a dream in our minds, continuously taking action, unless there is some way to make it happen. That doesn’t match my sense of the “ethical structure of the universe.”
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Do you have a dream of being a writer? Wonderful. Believe in it. Take the steps, open yourself to the storm, and let pain motivate you to even greater action.
Do you dream of being a science fiction writer? Want to create Afrofuturism or any other branch of the field, including fantasy or horror? Then I ask you: does my story sound familiar? Have YOU been discouraged or devastated by rejection or review, or perhaps even your own family mocking your ambitions?
Then know that we have something for you. Not just the amazing SF/Afrofuturism class itself, which was taught live and got RAVES from people who felt no one had ever delivered like that for them before, but the LIFEWRITING PRO program, which is designed for writers who want to PAY THE BILLS with their work. I consider this a noble ambition. When I sat alone and broken-hearted in that house in the San Fernando Valley, only my dream of one day succeeding, thriving, being able to support my family with the fruit of my imagination…only that dream kept me going.
I would just love to have you in our program, and if you invest in the SF/Afrofuturism class (www.writerwebinar.com) you will get not only that amazing 3-hour workshop (presented on demand), but a two-month FREE membership in the Lifewriting Pro community, our own private only community gathering place. You will have community, tons of free downloads and videos, and me and Tananarive leading you and analyzing stories twice a month. You’ll be able to create a writing circle, a community that supports you in becoming a SELLING PROFESSIONAL.
If that is your dream, let nothing stop you. And if you let us be allies on your journey, I promise to give you 100% of what we have learned along the journey, with the intent for you to…
Finish your work
Submit your work.
SELL your work
…and all while having fun in the process.
If you have felt the pain, I want you to remember it just for a moment…
And then think how wonderful it will be to see YOUR name in print. Or if you already have that, to see your name on books, on fat checks, on television episodes.
Do you have the dream? Can you actually commit to creating the creative life?
Then go to www.writerwebinar.com. Join us. I honestly believe artists can and must change the world.
This is your mission, if you decide to accept it. Let’s go!
Write with Passion…
Steve
