Firedance: Love and Balance

FIREDANCE: LOVE AND BALANCE

Just got back from Atlanta. Wonderful time with Tananarive, and she'll be back here Monday, but then taking off again Friday. This is going to be a very busy year for her, and I have to determine how to support her to the max so she doesn't burn out.

Rorie Still asked me "Steve, what do you feel is the best part about being married?"

And without really thinking about it much, answered: "Functioning as if I have eight limbs and two brains."

I like that. It makes so much sense, from so many different angles. I have someone to watch my back, to take care of business when I'm not there, and who has a different skill set, as well as different opportunities in the current social context. Oh, yes, she absolutely does, and I have to plan and strategize for those possibilities.

We often talk about how "lucky" we were to find each other. Well, yes, there is pure chance involved. Had we met a year later, I'm pretty sure we'd both have been in relationships. But what was NOT luck was finding someone wonderful. We'd both gone through a LOT of internal work, the kind that increases your health, joy, and amplitude. It was inevitable that someone appropriate wouldn't eventually be only two degrees of separation away, the point at which friends tell friends: "I've got someone for you to meet…"

So the "luck" was about the specific person. The "soulmate" is someone who, when you meet them, you clearly see and feel the future you can have together. You align. Values, beliefs, goals and energetic levels match enough to dance the life path together.

Its strange, it really is. To know that your beloved is unique, and perfect for you…but to also know that somewhere in your web of associations is someone only two degrees of separation removed who could also have been wonderful. Different. But wonderful. This knowledge is so comforting. The world feels RIGHT. There is no sense of lack, or desperation.

Once you find your life path, the basic ways of being that produce joy, success, health…all you have to do is admit to the universe that you desire companionship, and then sharpen your antennae. Deepen your connection to your instinct, emotion, and intuition. ONCE YOUR FEET ARE REALLY ON THE PATH.

Most aren't. Most people specialize in one or two of those life aspects, and stuff their pain into the arena they value least (usually their bodies, but often their relationship with money) and pretend they are "fine." They then meet other people who pretend. Both wear masks. The masks fall in love. And then when life stress inevitably cracks those masks, the person under them peeks out and…well, brothers and sisters, unless you almost ACCIDENTALLY were attracted to someone who crafted a similar mask for similar reasons, once you stand naked before them, there is likely to be a sense of betrayal, confusion, disappointment.

Just tell the truth. "This is who I am. I take responsibility for my physical results"

"This is who I am. I take responsibility for my emotional results."

"This is who I am. I take responsibility for my career results."

People who take responsibility deserve partners who take responsibility. Those who don't…don't.

And since we all SAY that we want honesty in our partners, if we don’t have honesty within ourselves, we are inviting con artists and wounded, deluded people into our circles.

Wounds are inevitable. EVERYONE has them. But there are people honest about them, and people who are not.

The key is commitment to BALANCE, within those pesky Three Gates. And tomorrow on FIREDANCE: THE NEXT LEVEL we will discuss balance, why I committed to it, how to create it, and how to forgive yourself for being imperfect, absolutely necessary to love yourself and speak your truth.

Anyone can lie and say they don't care about their bodies, don't want love, and don't value money.

It is safest to assume people saying that will lie about other things as well: be careful.

Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

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