DOOMED TO SUCCEED
Tananarive and I drove out to Santa Barbara to shop at one of our favorite stores, NAMASTE, a Nepalese import store. Beautiful clothing and fabric items. We love taking long drives together, and tried to take some such excursion every weekend. IN the past, this was a chance to get out of the house, away from curious ears, and discuss short and long term plans for our family. Every week.
This time, our intention was to talk through the complete "From ADHA to A's" program. It is now on the calendar--because JASON asked when we're doing it. I had to wait for that. HE HAS TO WANT IT, for his own reasons.
Anyway, Tananarive talked through her personal perspective on everything that happened from the time he was 18 months old. It took about an hour, with lots of specific points of focus. Then I talked through my perspective, including a list of the most important tools I used. But what became clear is that the single most important thing was the DAILY RITUAL that I implemented back in Atlanta, which evolved to incorporate Eugene Swartz's book "Double Your Child's Grades."
I realized that in some part of my mind, I took my OWN morning ritual (Firedance, a mixture of Tai Chi, Contemporary Shamanism, NLP, Success psychology, Think and Grow Rich "mentor" work, Robbins-Madones training, and more).
Then two years ago, Sifu Carl Totten taught me the "Blessing Dance" Sufi ritual, and we incorporated that. So my ritual
begins with pure meditation (me within me).
Expands into a relationship with gravity and the world (Firedance)
Into my relationship with time (my journal)
Expands from there to my relationship with T (Blessing Dance)
And from there to the FAMILY daily meetings, Jason's Journal. Did he use it last night? This morning? Are his daily tasks written down? Remind him of his long term goals (what typical immature member of any species wants: to survive, mature, thrive, reproduce) and how his short-term actions fit into them.
Close with "swish patterns" to teach him to shift his emotions from negative to positive ON DEMAND by changing his focus, language, and physiology.
Whew. But what we both see is that while there is complexity to the situation, what we BOTH consider totally essential is the fact that we
Have been CONSISTENT for many years. Every day. Working with Jason is just what we do, every day.
Have created a RITUAL of daily action that we ALL follow, to one degree or another.
Have created a FAMILY CULTURE of constant action, emotional control, and positive expectation.
In other words, we are just in the "Road of Trials". All of us. There is nothing different about any of us. No fingers pointed. WITH THE UNDERSTANDING AND APPROVAL OF OUR MEDICAL AND EDUCATIONAL TEAM we took him off his medication, created a customized education plan, and then simply put him on the path.
Lack "Executive Function"? Oh, that's being able ot make decisions, design path-flows, keep your promises to yourself, set deadlines, and so forth. Hell, all my coaching clients had some of that. Put them on a Morning Ritual such that, IF they can do it every day, its all taken care of (a journal and timers on your phone are great allies). If they can't stay on the program? They get the external support to help them do so.
Lack emotional control? Anger outbursts? Anger is fear. What is he afraid of? Easy: the inability to get the things he desires most, and 99% of the time, you can just ask yourself if they see a "straight line" to getting those basics: independence, security, success, sex and love, health. So feeling secure with us (I remember a few weeks ago telling him that if he stayed in this house he was DOOMED TO SUCCEED. And he shook his head ruefully and said he was beginning to understand that.
In other words, look at what seriously successful people have. Compare that to what average people have and you can define a "path" SO LONG AS YOU FOCUS ON "THE DOG" OF THE MATTER, the aspects under the control of personal responsibility, daily actions. The "Cat", the stochastic response of the world to your actions, cannot be directly predicted. †he "luck" that you have to be ready to grab. You cannot predict when the brass ring will come, but you CAN prepare. Prepared to spend ten thousand hours to prepare for your opportunity? Nothing can stop you.
Lack physical discipline? Because the most consistent thing parents said to me about ADHD is that physical exercise was quite possibly the single most powerful thing that helped their kids burn off enough energy to calm down, or understand the world around them. I noticed that most parents of these kids WERE NOT THEMSELVES VERY PHYSICAL. So the next point became critical:
We could not ask Jason to do anything we weren't doing. It was a FAMILY CULTURE. This is just what we do, every day. Every damned day.
What are the three largest aspects of Persuasion?
Building Rapport
Breaking the negative pattern.
Connecting the desired behavior to their own highest goals.
The Morning Ritual, twining physical, emotional, and mental energies, is phenomenally powerful and can be understood if the following is considered as true:
"A large percentage of modern human ills, from obesity to ADHD, depression to Incels and Insings, arises from the social changes wrought by industrialization and especially the digital age, by the rapid shifts in our cultural landscape that our genetics and memetics have not been able to keep up with."
To that end, a "Daily Ritual" to connect you with your own heart, mind, and body, your instincts, emotions, and intuition, that constantly evaluates your interactions with the inner and outer worlds, the social, physical and psychological worlds…is like developing a Third Eye, a way of processing the SEEN to access the UNSEEN.
That's it, folks. The program we are creating MUST be done by the entire family. If you don't read, you can't convince your children to open a book. If you yourself have a broken body-mind connection, you will have a much harder time getting your kids to exercise. If YOU are not happy in your life, do not consider yourself successful, you cannot tell your child "follow me."
There it is. Show me your morning ritual, and if it covers all basic aspects , all I have to do is ask "what percentage of days do you do it? How many Tibetans are you up to?"
And I get a snapshot of your entire life, in thirty seconds. If I KNOW that if Jason could use his Journal every day, hit his marks, perform his own ritual, he will be safe in life. If he cannot, I know precisely what support he needs, whether family, therapeutic, or medical.
If I put in the time, and practice the program myself, and he LIKES the results I'm getting, to the degree he feels rapport with me, he will let me interrupt his negative patterns and constantly, daily, connect his actions to his higher goals. Do this, and my hypothesis is that neuralplasticity will overcome any actual physical issues. And if they are emotional issues, the primary problem is one of fear, which can be countered with sufficient love, faith and gratitude.
That's it. The Firedance program every Friday is our exploration of how to refine the morning ritual to accomplish health, successs, love (the Soulmate Process), effective parenting…whatever.
I pray that you will create such a program. I would love for you to let me guide you, so that you can see exactly what we're doing, take what is useful, and discard the rest. To this end, the Firedance course is the most basic, and the SOULMATE PROCESS is how you take this and extend it into the "mating game", both preparing yourself for love and sustaining a healthy relationship. When we have it )in January) the FAMILY M.A.G.I.C. course (the name keeps shifting, but it will include Jason's "M.A.G.I.C. for Teens" and our "From ADHD to A's) program will take this specifically into parenting.
Personal ritual
Couples ritual
Family ritual
That notion, that our rituals create our destiny is burned into my soul. I believe it 100%, and have never seen an exception. I'm betting my life, success, love, and family on it, so I feel 100% confident in telling you that IF AND ONLY IF you enjoy my perspectives and admire the path I'm walking, these are the tools that will tell you more than anything else how to get the results you want in 2023.
This is the work. This is the path. I will give you all the seeds I can. Please plant and nurture them. If you want more of our help, Firedance is a fantastic first step. If self-love and attracting a partner or nurturing a current relationship is your goal, you'll want the SOULMATE PROCESS, and we're having a Christmas sale of 30% off with the coupon code KINDRED. So please go to www.soulmateprocess(dot)com and begin this amazing transformative process.
This is about having the best 2023 you can possibly have.
One daily ritual at a time.
Namaste
Steve
