Can We Communicate With EVERYONE?
It is interesting to feel the little hind-brain "flash" when someone insults you on the internet. Never happens in real life, but you know those keyboard warriors, right?
Anyway, I thought I'd go through the steps I took a couple of days ago in regard to this. I think I did pretty well.
In the middle of a back-and-forth discussion, the guy said something insulting.
My immediate reaction was to "get back" at him.
Then I remembered my commitment to wasting less time in such a way. I've determined that people who break the Three Gates in an argument (lie, get nasty, run in circular irrelevancies, etc) are signaling that this conversation will go nowhere. So I simply said that the conversation was over. I copied-and-pasted the entire conversation into a file, saw that I'd already marked this guy as a troll, and reminded myself to be more careful next time.
For HOURS afterward, I could feel the part of myself that was…peeved, shall we say. As I'm completely safe, and there is nothing this guy can do to me or for me, there is no logical reason to hold onto any emotions…or is there.
I decided to USE the irritation in my next meditation. It was there, like big chunks of rock in a tube otherwise filled with water. I could crash against the rocks…but better to float between them. To do that, all I have to do is not take myself so seriously. Don't let my ego-need to "win" waste my time and energy.
Curiously, flowing between the rocks like a FANTASTIC VOYAGE submarine, you can examine the "rocks". Why need to defend myself, when there is no actual risk of damage? Why anger at this person, if I know their attack is a manifestation of fear and weakness? Is it TRUE that I need to defend myself? Am I KIND to want to humble them? Is it USEFUL to me? How precisely would this add to my life? Will it strengthen my family? Make me a better martial artist? Improve my writing? If not, then WHY does it matter? WHY do I feel that pull?
Learning not to respond to that little monkey hindbrain "flash" would have saved the lives and dignity of COUNTLESS human beings over the years. Courtesy exists in diplomacy for precisely this reason: if diplomacy fails, its fang and claw time. So you use extreme layered courtesy and formality, until hopefully, some real common ground can be found (there is always common ground. Sometimes you don't care to find it, or haven't the time, or the skill) and disaster averted.
Let's say I'd had a real need to communicate with them. Family member, business partner, whatever. I NEEDED to, and couldn’t walk away without losing something more important than the time, energy, and ego butthurt. What would I do?
I'll discuss this on the FIREDANCE: THE NEXT LEVEL show this Saturday (live from Phoenix!)
Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Firedance...The Next Level
Time: May 6, 2023 12:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84839490050?pwd=aHN3NWlIUno2VEZ6d0dqeFNvaUZLQT09
Meeting ID: 848 3949 0050
Passcode: 951502
