ADHD and the Hero’s Journey
The Hero's Journey is generally the pattern life follows when moving from one level to another. Specifically the pattern you can predict as you accomplish any goal. It is IMO the result of the elders of the tribes telling countless stories to the younger people: "this is what your lives will be". Those stories that "stuck" contained some truth that reverberated.
1)There will be a challenge or goal (Confronted with challenge)
2) If its big enough, it will frighten you (Reject the challenge)
3) But if you are to grow, you must deal with the fear, and commit to the effort. (accept the challenge)
4) You begin to "chop wood, carry water", doing the daily tasks of life, in the manner that will take you to your goal. (The Road of Trials)
5) You find role models and master mind partners. You also begin to accumulate and refine new skills. (Allies and Powers)
6) At some point, your forward progress will be slapped down HARD. (Confront evil, defeated)
7) You will feel that this is a disaster, that things will never change, that you cannot possibly win: you just ain't got it. (Dark Night of the soul)
8) The way through this is to believe in undiscovered depths of your being. OR the integrity and ability of your mastermind and mentors. Or that the universe itself is benevolent and will provide a path. (Leap of Faith)
9) IF you take the previous steps, you greatly increase your chances of success. (Confront evil--victorious)
10) If you fail, this was just a step on the Road of Trials. Continue on. If you succeed, rise to the next level and teach others what you found. Become a mentor and serve as you were served. (The Student Becomes The Teacher)
I know of no human aspiration or activity that cannot be "mapped" on these ten steps. It was the realization that this pattern could be applied to
1)the structure of story
The process of writing a story
The process of life itself, and any goal within it
That began Lifewriting, my personal approach to success. EVERYTHING ELSE CAME OUT OF THIS. It felt as if my ancestors were whispering to me: "we've been telling you the structure of life for thousands of years. You thought they were `just stories'?" And the sound of their laughter reverberated in my ears.
What happened next? I began to look at other structures of success, or philosophies of being, and asked how they related to this. And they did, BEAUTIFULLY. I fought to falsify it, and in over thirty years, have been unable to do so. And the long long list of other philosophical positions or success strategies that I used to expand on this notion is endless, with maybe ten really core ones, and fifty of important weight.
But I could take any goal, and any position on that goal, any path to that goal, and find where I was on this process and it gave me perspective, strategy, information about the resources I would need in the future…just amazing.
And when I say "I don't know how I survived the four decades it took for the world to change enough for me to accomplish my dreams" I suspect it was the internalization of this pattern. I saw I would have to go through 30-40 years of "the road of trials". And somehow, never ever lose faith. And stay healthy enough that when the opportunity came, I'd be ready. And feel real JOY all along the way. Otherwise, that's a waste of life. What sense would it make to work toward a goal for 30-40 years, knowing that a meteor might hit me at any time? What kind of fool would I be to postpone happiness?
No. I had to work, endlessly, energetically, and joyfully, even if I couldn't see the goal…but what I COULD do was see the intermediate pieces. I could plot a possible path, modeling the lives of dozens of writers, artists, teachers, martial artists, grandparents, and philosophers.
"Who am I?" I'm the person who can do this. Others have done PIECES of it, so if I can find the core, the heart of what they did and implant that into my own life…I have a chance to build the life of my dreams. Yes, it will take superhuman effort. But if I do it, I can find shortcuts for others to follow.
"What is true?" That from one perspective, life is a wonderful game. And if I can understand the rules clearly enough, the game board clearly enough, I can find a way to win. The danger: people often either don't KNOW the rules themselves, or will lie about them for various reasons. So watch BEHAVIOR. Don't care about how smart someone sounds: if it doesn't agree with the consensus of the people who have actually accomplished similar goals, unless that philosopher has themselves accomplished at EXTRAORDINARY levels…ignore them. I don't have time to chase rabbits down empty maze corridors. They may have something valuable…but it isn't likely to be more valuable than that consensus.
I can't PROVE that, but I'm betting my life, and the lives of my family on it. How to be most certain? Look for people who have succeeded in all three major arenas of life: Body, Relationships, Career.
Hypothesis: it is VERY unlikely for a person to be able to succeed in all three arenas simultaneously and also have a distorted reality map. Never seen it.
So…that was my beginning, and the method to my madness. Yesterday, Tananarive recorded her segment for the ADHD TO A'S class. Today, I record mine. The thoughts above are central: all I did was define the path Jason wanted to travel in life, by studying the connection between animal behavior and human behavior. There are paths all our ancestors followed. I assumed he would want to walk that path as well.
I had to walk it myself, with joy and power. Be there for him every day as a role model.
He wanted to be an adult. To have bodily autonomy, financial independence, ethical sexuality, the ability to love and be loved. To create legal goods and services to exhange with his community. To raise his family according to his values. To create a personal map of reality, and share it with others that they might continue the process of connection and increased complexity that has been continuous in the universe since a billionth of a second after the Big Bang. To age with dignity, and die at peace.
HYPOTHESIS: that's all anyone wants, deep down, with a few side-bars along the way, a few alternate paths. But you won't go wrong assuming that for 99.9% of people.
Then I assumed that he had stupendous neurological redundancy that his brain could work around even if there was damage. But my primary bet was that there was nothing wrong with him at all. That he was just a square peg pounded into a round hole. A hunter in a world full of farmers. The instant I realized that he could focus all day on what he WANTED to focus on, I suspected that "ADHD" was a convenient label for "kids who don't see the world like I do."
The only question was: if he was a natural animal in the wild, would he be able to hunt and gather and evade predators. Build a nest, mate and protect his young?
I suspected the answer was "yes" but that this world, this society, was not built for him. He had to learn how to take HIS gifts and apply them to THIS situation. The world would tell him he was broken, and needed to be drugged to settle down and "focus."
I said: let me take a year. Take him off the drugs. Use the coaching and teaching skills I've used to help myself create a life no one thought I could. Skills that I've sold for absurd amounts of money to wealthy and powerful people to help them perform at higher levels.
Let me focus ALL of that on my son, giving him, every day, all the love and support my heart can offer, NEVER doubting him, even when he doubted himself. Enough to get him to take the risk of caring, of dreaming.
Because the INSTANT he admits that he wants the things I've known he wanted since before he was born…
I've got him. Can use the twin dragons of pain and pleasure, aversion and attraction, to teach him, one step at a time, who he is. And boys and girls, if you can calibrate this properly, you can teach tape worms to tap dance.
So…what I have to do today is read the transcript from Tananarive's recorded history of our relationship with Jason. Then map it along the Hero's Journey, and see what concepts and tools we used along the way (ALWAYS consulting with a circle of doctors, therapists, teachers and child psychologists. We depended on that team as a safety net) and never allowing myself to doubt that the same skills that helped others could help him.
If I can do that…not only have we completed one level of the game, but have left a guide book for others. And then..?
ON to the next level.. The next adventure. Absolutely cannot wait to see who Jason is on the other side of all of this.
I wrote a story called "Mozart on the Kalahari" about how the best seeds can create withered plants if they fall on poor soil.
Well, by God and all His Saints, I swore that I would make this the best soil I could manage, and nurture to the absolute limits of our capacity, and give him a chance for his roots and leaves to sink deep and rise high enough to pull his own nutrients form soil and air and sun.
This…is that last act of that story. And the beginning of the next.
Namaste
Steve
